As stated in my last post, I find myself on the verge of making a great decision in my life.  A decision that will affect my family, my future, and my ministry.  My wife and I have spent time in prayer, we have fasted, and now we  simply wait.  It is out of our hands and into our makers.  When he speaks, we will obey.

Is that it?  We just sit and wait?

I believe that many spend too much time waiting and not enough time being ready.  What are you doing while you wait on your answer?  Are you still investing in others?  Are you still working at your job to the best of your ability?  How long will you remain hopeful that what your longing full will come to pass?

I strongly believe that one of our greatest tests in life is what we do while we wait.  The parable of the ten virgins in Matthew describes two different kinds of people.  Those who simple wait.  And those who are preparing while they wait.  Which of the two are you today?  What are you waiting for?

Its not a risk to let go of your situation and place in it Gods hands.  Continue to be faithful right where you are, in all that you do.  No matter how tiring or how difficult, keep your lamps full.

Dont just wait.  Be Ready.

Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord. – Psalm 27:14

The picture i seem to paint for my life is always a neat one.  Always in a clean studio and solely relying on just one canvas. It never contains more than three colors and always respects the white space. Its often over thought to be certain that it symbolizes an exact idea.  I know exactly when to put the brush down and I always rejoice in the finished product.  My brush is always cleaned and set back in its respected drawer upon finishing.  But I believe that God views my painting in a different light.  He is begging me to think less and paint more.  To risk overdoing it.  To start with 20 canvasses and an array of brilliant colors.  He wants me to fall in love with the process instead of the finished product.  He is showing me that the value lies not in what someone is willing to pay for it, but the time that I poured into it.  He loves a messy studio and laughs at the occasional paint covered brush left to dry next to the sink.
I believe that God has been holding my brush these last 2 years.  A top 25 ground breaking church plant.  A new career path.  A brand new marriage.  All fruit from letting go of my plan and hanging onto his.  With all of that said, I believe that greater things are still yet to come.  Despite being the optimist,  I sit here weighed down by big decisions.  Do I want to pursue becoming an operator at Chickfila?  Does my future lie between the four walls of a church?  Should I begin sending resumes to architecture firms again?  Am I doing all that I can to be a great husband?  Am I banking enough to  someday give my  children the life that I had?  Am i strong enough to throw aside all that is hindering me from Gods destiny for my life?  Is my desire to seek and save the lost where it used to be?  I realize the seriousness of these questions, but im tired of living behind a facade that assures me popularity in church and among my peers.  For months now these thoughts have riddled my brain.  The crazy thing is that I dont have a burning desire to set aside everything else to pursue that one thing.  I long to toss the front door open one day screaming “Ive got it”!  I know what it is!  But that day hasnt come yet.  So I patiently wait, soaking up all i can, doing the best with what ive been given, where ive been placed.

It scares me sometimes to think that i don’t have a specific identity, even though I know I do in Christ.  That i cant say with a firm and confident voice, I live to (fill in the blank).  That i don’t burn to pursue one thing.  That i’m wasting my life by giving 80 percent to my wife, my job, my church, and most importantly, my God.  With everything I do, I desire to be great.  I dont believe that pride is the catalyst for this way of thinking.  Ecclesiastes 9:10 states that whatever our hands find to do, do it with all of our might.  I know that God has placed that desire inside of me, which makes where I am today even more difficult to chew.  Ive read that greatness is achieved by devoting oneself to one thing.  How can I be great at one thing if my time is spread across the board?

Even though a few things are unclear to me right now, I must continue to remain honest about who and where I am today.  Honest that everyday isnt rainbows and confetti.  Honest that I need Jesus now more than ever.  Honest in that I dont have it all together despite what it looks like from the outside.  I’ve spent most of my life afraid to be honest in fear that those around me would think less of me.  He is a good guy, he would never do that.  He is a pastor, he would never think that.  But I believe that honesty is what will take me from where I am today to where God wants me to be tomorrow, even if that place is currently unclear.

Recently I picked up 83 Lost Sheep, a book written by Gerry Stoltzfoos, the lead pastor at Freedom Valley Worship Center in Gettysburg, Pa.  I have been skimming through books lately in hopes of finding that next life changing read.  There was something deeply refreshing and challenging about this one.  This book is filled with one mans radical belief that he was called to plant a church and that nothing and no one could stop him.  In it lies the honesty to others and obedience to God that i long for.  He gave up his motorcycle.  He even gave the entirety of his own building fund to another church.  He ignored the doubters and used every obstacle to fuel the vision God had placed in his heart.  My soul screams when I hear people living outside of the typical.  Its not a coincidence that so much favor has come across his path.  When we place God first, he always provides.  Easy to say, yet so few believe it enough to venture out into unchartered waters.

I believe that right now im sitting in shallow waters waiting for the fog to lift before shipping out. But what if it never does?  Am i willing to ship out anyways, even though the destination isnt visible?  The waters up to this point have been familiar and all too still.  There is a call to deeper seas and greater adventures.  A small piece of me enjoys where I am.  But the rest of me begs to pull up the anchor and set sail.  Even if faith is my only guide.

My mom just mailed me a note that i had posted on their fridge during my sophomore year of college stating this.  ”Mom and Dad, I didn’t pass Architectural Engineering, and im not taking it again.  So i’m changing my majors.  Your Son.”  She told me that she kept it because she knew I would someday need the reminder that not everything always goes as plans.  She knew I would stay the course. She was right.  (Always is.)

I didn’t remember writing such a note.  In fact, i’m pretty sure i blocked that entire second year of school from my mind.  I spent nights in bed distraught over poor grades, poor decisions, and terrified i would never graduate.  I tossed and turned questioning my design concepts.  Were my drawings readable?  Did my model portray the intent of the building?  Did i spend enough time on everything?  Should i feel guilty for not going into studio?  Did i produce a project my professor was proud of? Daily these questions riddled my thought life and it wasn’t long before my mind had allowed itself to physically begin to destroy my body.

Then the phone would ring, and my dad on the other line would state the famous phrase.  ”There are only three things you needed to do today.  Eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom.”  ”Did you do those all of those things”, he would ask.  I would always end laughing and I respond as anyone would.  ”Yes, dad, I did all of those things.”  ”Then you had a great day”, he would reply.  I cant tell you how many times he said that during my 5 years, but every time he did, it quickly reminded me that all wasn’t as bad as it seemed, and that no matter what, whether I graduated with high honors, or failed out that semester, I was loved.  Point for Dad.

These days, I find myself fighting similar thought patterns, but i’m thankful that past experiences can shed light upon current situations.  I question my leadership skills, level of commitment, and lack of experience in pastoring the lives of those around me.  Its been really intimidating learning how to build team, resolve conflict, be dependable despite being drained, and through it all place God first.

Did i forget to email so and so?  Did i over schedule myself?  Should i feel guilty for not attending every outreach?  Should i have said yes to doing more, when i cant seem to find time to do what is on my plate now?  Should i have given more in the offering?  Am i reading the bible enough?  God is our church successful in your eyes?  Are we who you want us to be for this community?

In may of 2006, I walked across the platform and was handed the accolade that to me, for 5 years, seemed unachievable.  Did I have doubts about it? Yep.  Were there days I wanted to quit?  Yep.  But for some reason, among the stress, worry, and the tears, I hung in there to accomplish the goal I had set for myself.

Four years later i find myself in a different location with different challenges, yet the same questions, doubts and fears.  But none of these have a hold of me like they did in my past.  I now know that although I don’t seem fit for the responsibilities at hand, they still remain my responsibilities, and that no matter what, I will stay the course.

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised. – Hebrews 10:36



This past week ive been pondering my location, my life, and my state of being.  I all to often forget how i got here.  To this house. To this city.  To this world.  I think of how many divine relationships, spoken words, and broken roads (or so i thought) have strategically placed me in this seat.  I sit here, breathe here, exist here, not by chance.  You see, i was created. (Genesis 1:26-28) I did not create myself, nor did anyone of you readers create me.  I was given joints to bend and blood to flow, hands to grip and ears to hear, eyes to see and a tongue to taste.  A heart to give and to receive love.  I did not ask for these (Nor did i have to pay extra), as they were given to me as gifts.

I wonder what the human race would look like if I sat down to draft up the first model.  Would my intention as creator be to grant such beautiful gifts to each person?  Would i spend time to detail elbows, and knees to bend so as to perform specific tasks?  Would i care if what i created enjoyed the taste of honey, or stood in awe of the bright blue sky?  Would i have created such a glorious playground for them to exist in, and freely grant it to them?  Chances are, i would have left out one of the most loving gifts we’ve been given, a mind of our own.

Yet, All to often i forget my purpose for all of these gifts.  My ears are to hear the sounds of the forest echoing through the valley.  My skin is to feel the warmth of the sun as it beams down from above. My nose to smell of the tulips in spring.  My eyes to gaze upon the beauty of a loved one.  But on that day of long ago, each gift that we’ve been granted to experience freedom and abundance, gained their own desires, setting them apart from their intent.  We now desire the taste of foods not meant for the body.  We long for sounds and smells of destruction.  We gaze upon that which doesn’t belong to us. We take from lots that were never ours.  All of which was intended for good, quickly became an opportunity for the alternative.  So i say, here i am, created with an eternal purpose for good, and yet an earthly desire for evil.  How quickly i forget that every moment is a battle. That every stream is flowing against me, and when i take one second to rest, quickly i am swept away.

My prayer and my hope is to use these gifts ive been given wisely so that someday i will finish this race and receive all thats been promised.  May my eyes only gaze upon that which has been granted to me.  May my ears only hear sweet sounds of rejoicing.  May my tongue only taste of sweet grapes from the vine.  May my mind be restored and renewed to only be used for that which glorifies its creator.

Should the moment come that one of these gifts fails to be used for its eternal purpose, may grace transcend  the heavens and rain down upon me.

I was created to be me.  Beautiful, accepted, and loved, me. Here I am.

I must be honest when i say that this forecast to the future seems to be more of a thunderstorm than a beautiful sunrise.  I often push the pause button to analyze my life and its direction.  In doing so the last few weeks I have found myself in utter ruins desperately clinging to anything stable.  With the job change, lifestone work, house hunting, and the early stages of an amazing relationship, my life seems to be one big balancing act.  There are dates to remember, meetings to attend, relatives to visit, and calls that have to be made.  Every item on my task list seem to be fighting for the top spot.

In all of this, I have found myself angry with God, and yes he already knows.  I have been reminding him of all the sacrifices i’ve made as of late and how i’ve yet to see my reward.  I’ve told him i deserve to have all that i’ve lost in choosing to serve him.  My mouth remains silent as my heart stridently screams.  Why the tension?  Read on..

Somewhere along this bumpy road we call life, i caught wind that success is measured in pennies and nickels.  I  find myself leaning back in my comfy christian chair, holding the remote control of life, and flipping through the many stations flaunting all of my success stories.  Then to my surprise, lightning strikes, the cable goes out, and i realize that even though HD really does bring out my good side, that this life and my plans are not my own. In the last 2 years, my greatest faith jump, everything drawing me closer to christ has seemed to pull me from what i imagined affluence to be.  I have begun to feel someone out there owes me something.  In fact, even as i type this, i realize just how shallow I sound.  Shallow, but honest.  God, you owe me something.  There, i said it.  Instead of a hand written check in a fancy envelope, he sent me Luke 16:14-15.  Can you say humbled?

Sadly, that is where my heart has been for the last few weeks.  I seemed to have lost sight of the grander plan.  Thankfully, my God is quick to redeem and restore.  My thoughts on success were altered in one verse.  Imagine following the footsteps of the creator of the universe and yet complaining the road he has chosen for you is too difficult.  Every once in awhile, I get the same feeling towards christianity as i had towards architecture in school.  A sense that i’m not cut out for this and i wish i could throw in the towel.  A sense of obligation to be better and to make those around me as well.  An obligation that isn’t refundable.  Why cant i just soak life in?  Why cant i be complacent and let someone else make this world a better place?  When i arrive at this place, as i have done often, I always seem to get this full blown punch to the mid section.  Spirit, I owe you one.

Yesterday morning, i woke up with this desire to pray.  Throughout my day, i was reminded repeatedly that my seasons are changing.  That what i know of life now will no longer exist as it once did.  Its not a coincidence the spirit is leading me into a season of prayer.  I arrived home from a long day at work and felt the need to do some reading to lift my spirit.  I opened “Christian Atheist” and the chapter was entitled “When you believe in God but not in Prayer”.  God spoke to me.  I then decided since i had more time to read id flip open to “Desiring God“, a book i’ve been staggering through for months now.  The chapter was entitled “Prayer, The power of Christian Hedonism”.  God spoke to me.  Im still amazed by his timing.

I have prided myself in following His steps and walking through His open doors in the last year.  But when i look back I still tend to focus on the “steps to success” that i’ve left behind.  The brick wall i seem to keep running into flaunts a large sign on it stating “life’s not fair”.  Im struggling to burn the plow and look forward to the more excellent way.  In all of this, i’m quickly reminded whose life i am so desperately trying to model.  The one who lived the perfectly and deserved freedom, chose death.  He chose to be in the world, but apart from it.  He chose to be ridiculed and tortured for what he believed was truth. If i choose to follow him, as i have publicly done, then why should i not count the cost as well. Maybe its not God that needs to pour out more blessing on my life as much as it is me changing what i see as blessing.  To live life solely for my next raise is to deny the pleasures God has created me to enjoy.

May I rejoice in friendships as I once did on payday.  May I love people more than my tax return.  May my gladness be at its peak when i’m serving others.  May my fear of finances be thrown into the flames only to be transformed into an unshakable trust.

You see, God owes me nothing.  The idea of success that I drew up at an early age was extremely naive, and unguided by the spirit. Whatever change comes my way in the near future, i welcome it.  Im learning what it means to wholeheartedly lean.  Whether sunshine or rain, my heart holds tightly to my maker.  May my eyes turn from what i think my life lacks, to the many blessings ive recently been given.  Jesus paid the ultimate price so that i might walk in the light of life.  A light that shine out of darkness.  I am choosing to look up when i’m tempted to look back.  May fruit grow in this season of change.  May the seed of prayer and fasting produce holiness in this season.  Why do i expect to see results from the spirits power when my life lacks holiness?  Hopefully in this next season holiness will be what i long for, and results will be what i receive.

riches lost and riches gained

because of love that ive attained

this life of mine now i lift

to gain your approval, my eternal gift.

I feel burdened to come back with an amazing story to share with others.  I have heard that many of my friends and family are excited to hear about everything that took place while i was there.  You anticipate heroic stories of how we as a team left those people in a better state physically and spiritually.  You are looking forward to stories of how the great white american saved the day again.  I can imagine many people come home from a missions trip prideful of their great accomplishments.  They feel they did their civic duty suffering for a few days with the poor, joining the pity party, and then returning home to their air conditioning and hdtv.

I wish i could just share of the great events that took place while i was there.  I desperately want this to just be another blog post sharing the numbers of those that were saved while we were there, but Im sensing God has a different purpose.  Long-term care for a place like haiti isn’t in handing a starving child food, its in educating that child in ways to provide for himself and his family.  You see, we are called to give to those in need.  But we can relate this principle to much more than just poverty.  We are a generation drenched with fear, always expecting someone else to truly live out great faith.  We cant wait to hear their story when they return.  The last thing i want to do is assist in creating a story-hearing, and not story-living, christian.

Let me make this clear.  Haiti doesn’t need our pity.  It doesnt need our hand-out.  It needs Jesus.  How is that any different than you and i?  We live our lives sheltered from color and culture.  We make excuses to ignore the beautiful world around us.  We enjoy our daily schedule and routine.  I am being honest when i say that id rather live in poverty with great faith than in riches without it.  Talk about a place who has mastered community.  They enjoy each others company.  They fill up each others buckets at the well. They work together building shelters to keep the rain off.  I never said hello once, that it wasn’t reciprocated with a smile and a hello in return.  They are a people who are playing the cards they were dealt.  Nothing more, nothing less.  We learned so much from them, and so can you.

I say all of this to encourage a generation that becomes tired of hearing and longs for doing.  Anything i say to you about my trip to haiti will probably be forgotten in just a few days.  You will lift me up instead of Jesus.  I boast alone in Christ that burdened me so, that despite fear and doubt, has called me to missions work, not to feed just the body, but the mind and soul as well.  I haven’t experienced such peace as to when i rested my head in Haiti, knowing i was doing what God has called me and every christian to do, love his people.  If you love Jesus, and believe he died for you, then there is a place for you in missions.  Stop allowing the excuse that some are called to give, and some are called to go, to affect the way you think.  We are called to do both.  Missions forces you to claim his promises, hold fast to his word, and allows his power to become evident in your life.

Here are just a few memories from the last 11 days…

We attended the sunday morning service at Hudson’s church just outside of Cap-Haitian.  Andy spoke on one of the most ill-logical, revolutionary topic for a place such as Haiti.  He spoke on the topic of giving.  How dare he?  Half of the people sitting in the congregation hadn’t eaten that day and here he is telling them to give.  God placed this topic on Andy’s heart last september.  The week before Andy shared this message to Hudson’s church, a man looked down upon in the community, stood up and told the church that God wasn’t going to bless this community until they stopped receiving and began to give in return.  You see, Hudson hadn’t told andy of this message until after he preached.  This is how God works.  He uses the unusable to speak forth truth.  As the offering was wrapping up, a small boy around the age of 3 with dust all over his face, slowly approached the front stage, and placed a single coin into the offering bowl.  May i never allow the plate to pass me without giving again.

A large group of local children were present every day at the clinic.  Every morning when we arrived we knew that we would see the same youthful faces we saw the previous day.  In this group, was a young boy by the name of Benji.  I could relate to Benji because he was always the smallest boy in the group.  His smile was so extremely contagious.  Our photographer on day 2 had noticed an infection on his leg that was in desperate need of attention.  Since groups were being shuttled from long distances to our medical clinic they reserved the right to our utmost attention.  This forced us to push back the needs of the locals until the last and final day.  Todd Spencer, who has recently graduated from nursing school, and is wholeheartedly living out his faith as we speak, saw this need and realized we had neglected this boy for far to long.  To make a long story short, we gave the boy some novocain, and a few toys to calm his spirits.  Todd proceeded to successfully remove the infection from the burn on his leg while i covered his eyes and assured him he was doing great.  Taking time to show love to a small child who without a doubt had prepared himself for a lifetime of pain, was completely worth it.  May I always take time to see the need of others.  After the surgery, Benji, with leg bandaged, was outside running and smiling.  Love that boy.

As we ran the clinic, which provided dental care, aid from doctors and nurses, and a fast-running pharmacy, we were able to pray for those who waited patiently.  We laid hands on the large majority of the people who came through our clinic.  We shared testimonies, and messages telling them that their creator was longing to heal and to lead them.  We saw hundreds of people come forward for prayer and dedication.  Our team was a well-oiled machine.  We didnt know each other before we left and now we will never forget another.  God used 23 people with different backgrounds, problems, and values, to show the love of Christ through ministry and medicine.  We were nervous and afraid but because grace abounds over fear, we left filled with power and assurance that our God is alive and his faithfulness remains true.

Red, Yellow, Black, and White.  They are precious in his sight.

As Mat clearly states, there isn’t a perfect time, nor a perfect season.  Whatever is holding you back from giving your life back to Christ, let go of it.  Philippians 1:21 states, For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. When you make the decision to give all back to him who is deserving, your focus is no longer you, but the world around you. You will never truly experience love until you give it.  You will never experience comfort until you care for those in need.  You gain by giving.

You are worried you wont stack up.  You are worried your past sins make you unworthy.  You are fearful of what life will look like after you commit.  Some of you were burned out using your talents in the past and are afraid God will rekindle your desire to use them once again.  To each of you i speak freedom from these worries and doubts.  Philippians 4:6 states, Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Tell God your afraid to commit to him.  Tell him you love Jesus, but dont know what it looks like to truly devote your time to him.  Tell him you remember the peace of your past.  Tell him you are afraid to use the talents he’s given you again.  Tell him all of your dreams, desires, worries, and fears.

Today my desire is for him to use me in haiti.  Im tired of being nervous, and ask for him to give me boldness to speak his truth.  Paul writes that i should be eager to share the gospel because its a solution to the worlds problems.  Its easy to shout out in class the number 4, when asked what 2+2 is.  May it be even easier to say the name of jesus to those in need.  My desire is for those who are close to recommitting their life to you would realize you love them enough to give up your son for them.  Their pasts, worries, and fears disappear when they lay it all at your feet.  Fill them with your spirit and confirm your presence in their life.  Use them in ways where there story could only point to your grace.  I thank you in advance for what you will do through them.

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

To love golf is to love Tiger Woods.  To love Christ is to love forgiveness.  Read Matthew 7:1-4.

A large part of being a christian is placing yourself in someone else’s shoes.  It’s feeling the pain of others.  Its rejoicing as if you were the one getting the raise.  I do not condone the actions of Tiger, but let me be clear in stating that the actions and thoughts of anyone not gripped by the spirit, will always pursue the pleasures of the flesh.  Ask any pastor who travels alone often.  Ask any business man driving back to his hotel after a long day of meetings on the road.  Ask anyone with idle time on their hands what good had come from it.  Read Ecclesiastes 10:18.

Imagine a night on the road for Tiger or anyone of his status.  Annoyed by the fame (yes i know its a choice he made) and away from his family.  Being hit on by numerous amounts of the opposite sex.  Without the spirit and its power over sin, it was only a matter of time before he gave in to the temptation.  It was only a matter of time before he broke the covenant he made to his wife.  It was only a matter of time before his climb to the summit soon become his walk of shame.

We all know that when a locked door is finally open, it’s only a matter of time before its kicked all the way.  But what truly amazes me is that we as christians are surprised by the actions of unbelievers.  We get some sort of kick out of celebrity failures.  We become vultures with our words, tearing apart the mistakes of the world around us.  We justify it among our peers and callously mock those that are lost in sin.  The grace given to us so freely, that was meant to overflow to our brothers and sisters, is being thrown to the side and replaced with judgement.  We cry out for mercy and  go on slandering others.  We plead for redemption and yet we condemn.  Where is the generation that truly ignores the sin and focuses on saving the sinner?  Where are those who have been shown love and are capable of loving?

When was the last time you found yourself praying for Tiger Woods?  Do you have a desire for him to come to Christ and be redeemed through his blood.  Do you desire for his family to be restored?  Well, you should.  Read Romans 3:23 Who am i to dance over his mistakes?  Who am i to make light of such tragedy.  Lets replace the name Tiger for a man in history named David.  You know, the one you speak so fondly of despite giving in to the same temptation.  There is redemption for Tiger and only he is able to ask for it.  I pray his soul longs for something greater than another masters victory.  I pray devoted and inspiring men and women of God are placed along his path.  Imagine the influence and possibilities if he were to let go, and give his heart to the Almighty.  Even greater than seeing him drop another 30 footer for the win on the last hole of a major, would be to see his name be penned in the book we call life.  That my friends is true victory.

Confession is the catalyst for healing.  Read James 5:16.  I truly believe it was from the heart and i hope to see his swing of beauty and eyes of determination back on the course soon.  That night in november started the ball rolling towards freedom.  Tiger didn’t realize it, but his soul was desperately searching for a way out.  That crash not only forced his way out, but humbly brought his head from the clouds back down to the course where it belongs.  May we all learn from his mistake and ours. May we move forward freely giving out the same grace we have received.  May he devote the same time and energy into restoring his relationships with family and friends as he has perfecting his short game.

When we lift up man, were disappointed.  When we lift up God, were eternally satisfied.

BOTH.  Im tired of pulling the Gods grace card. Im tired of struggling with sin.  Im tired of making excuses for my self-induced mistakes.  This morning confirmed what i’ve been learning the last few months, that in order to experience the fullness of God in my life, I must live according to his desire, not mine.  I’ve spent years wondering why i’ve been limited in the gifts of the spirit.  Truth be told, its because i wasn’t living to his guidelines, i was living to mine.  I dabbled with sin, asked for forgiveness, struggled for a few days, then was over it.  I repeated this process over and over and over and over and over.  Im tired of this, and if you are being honest with yourself, so are you.

Let me make this clear.  I was still saved by grace and remained in the kingdom, but i wasn’t experiencing Gods fullness.  Its ok if you want to live a good life.  Its ok if you want to have a happy home.  Its ok if you want people to think youre a nice person.  As for me, I WANT MORE.  I want my life to change others.  I want my words to breathe life into those around me.  God spared me for a purpose and i now realize that my EFFORT dictates just how much of God i experience here on earth.  Let me repeat.

My effort dictates how much God i experience here on earth.  Don’t get me wrong.  Gods grace is sufficient for me.  Gods grace has redeemed me.  God chose to send his son so that i may live a life of victory.  GODS GRACE is step one.  The next move is YOURS and YOURS ALONE.  What you choose to do with this first step is your decision.  I could spend the rest of my life making the same mistakes or i could learn from it, and gain power.  I could spend the rest of my life struggling with the same sin, or i could learn from it, and gain power.  I choose power, and therefore must train myself to live according to the life which produce this life of fullness.  Paul writes about this training, to his friend and colleague in 1 Timothy 4: 8-16.  he writes:

For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.  This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance (and for this we labor and strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe. Command and teach these things. Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.  Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. ¹⁴Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you.

Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress.  Watch your life and doctrine closely.  Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.

As we see in the verses above, in order for one person who has been saved by grace, to fully experience God, his spiritual gifts, and breakthrough power, we must begin to realize its GRACE +EFFORT.  All of the terms bolded are examples of ways tangibly train to yourself to live powerful lives for God.  But it begins with grace, it always begins with grace.

The disciples experienced this lack of effort first hand in Mark 9:14-30.  They lacked faith from which Christ told them came from prayer and fasting.  What?  The disciples lacked faith?  How?  They literally walked along side faith in form.  They attempted to rid a young boy of demon possession and we unable to do so.  The limits i have spiritually are only limits because of me. Im tired of hearing about great stories, I want to experience them. When i look back on my life i want people to see that the God i served couldn’t be stopped.  If i want to experience a powerful life of breakthrough I must set aside time fully devoted to prayer and fasting.  If i do what i can do, God will do what i cant.  I encourage you to take steps of faith in just spending time in prayer and fasting and watch how your world is flipped upside down. I want that for you and so does the God that created you.  Grace+ Effort

Ive been called to be a pastor, yet many times i don’t feel i’m capable of leading myself, let alone a congregation.

I struggle in the flesh as anyone does, but as stated in Proverbs 24:16 my goal is be “righteous in Jesus” and though i fall 7 times, i will rise on the 8th.  I often wonder about the great authors, pastors, and leaders of today.  I read their books and listen to their sermons and wonder if they really still struggle with sin as i do.  I had a conversation with my grandpa pete a month ago about sin and he made a comment ill never forget.  He stated “i don’t even think about sinning anymore”.  From the bottom of his heart he was able to say that with a clear conscience.

I was blown away, in fact, i cried my entire ride home to pittsburgh that day.  Why?  Because i struggle with sin daily.   To live a life like my grandfather (who has lived so long in righteousness that sin no longer even bothers him) and more importantly like Jesus, has become my ultimate goal.  I wish i could say to you that from this day forth i will pursue righteousness and live solely in the spirit until my life ends, but i feel as if id be lying to all of you.  A song we used to sing states that “everyday with Jesus is sweeter than the day before”.  Is this true?  I can verify that since accepting Christ into my heart at a young age my spiritual life HAS NOT been a steady ascent. Psalm 19:7 states that the law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul.

i looked up the word revive, here is what i found.

To bring back to life or consciousness; resuscitate.

To impart new health, vigor, or spirit to.

To REstore the validity or effectiveness of.

To REnew in the mind; recall.

I hope that when reading those definitions you were filled with joy.  The prefix “RE” is clearly seen throughout.  The prefix RE- indicates a return to the previous condition, or repetition of a previous action.  Also, we’re able to look at the famous 23rd Psalm for a similar interpretation.  It states “He leads me beside still waters, He REstores my soul”.  I’ve read that verse a thousands times since a child and still God is revealing himself through it.  It clearly states that we, as people, are unable to revive our own soul.  It also makes us aware that as chris tomlin sings “our hearts and flesh may fail”.  In fact, ill be bold enough to state that without Christ, they WILL fail.  Isn’t it great to know that the burden of restoration isn’t placed on us.  Whew!  Our restoration has nothing to do with our present or even the future.  Its rooted only in what Jesus did on the cross.  How amazing is that?  As easy as we run to our physical doctor for healing, may it be even easier to run to God, who heals both body and soul.

Also, im learning that my pursuit of righteousness is deemed void if i’m doing so in an improper manner.  Am i seeking righteousness (purity accomplished by my own works) or seeking the one who died so that i would become righteous.  Im learning that God still listens to his son. Thank you God for continuing to listen to your Son. Romans 8:34 tells us that “Christ Jesus, who died- more than that, who was raised to life- is at the right hand of God is also interceding for us.  He is the man!  He not only died for me and you, he is STILL pleading to God, despite our present shortcomings, that his Blood was enough to make us righteous.  So even though the sweetness of our days may fluctuate, hold firm in the promise that Gods love for you and me does not.