a powerful prefix

Ive been called to be transparent.  For far too long the church has been separated from its leaders.  You want truth, here it is.

Ive been called to be a pastor, yet many times i don’t feel i’m capable of leading myself, let alone a congregation.

I struggle in the flesh as anyone does, but as stated in Proverbs 24:16 my goal is be “righteous in Jesus” and though i fall 7 times, i will rise on the 8th.  I often wonder about the great authors, pastors, and leaders of today.  I read their books and listen to their sermons and wonder if they really still struggle with sin as i do.  I had a conversation with my grandpa pete a month ago about sin and he made a comment ill never forget.  He stated “i don’t even think about sinning anymore”.  From the bottom of his heart he was able to say that with a clear conscience.

I was blown away, in fact, i cried my entire ride home to pittsburgh that day.  Why?  Because i struggle with sin daily.   To live a life like my grandfather (who has lived so long in righteousness that sin no longer even bothers him) and more importantly like Jesus, has become my ultimate goal.  I wish i could say to you that from this day forth i will pursue righteousness and live solely in the spirit until my life ends, but i feel as if id be lying to all of you.  A song we used to sing states that “everyday with Jesus is sweeter than the day before”.  Is this true?  I can verify that since accepting Christ into my heart at a young age my spiritual life HAS NOT been a steady ascent. Psalm 19:7 states that the law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul.

i looked up the word revive, here is what i found.

To bring back to life or consciousness; resuscitate.

To impart new health, vigor, or spirit to.

To REstore the validity or effectiveness of.

To REnew in the mind; recall.

I hope that when reading those definitions you were filled with joy.  The prefix “RE” is clearly seen throughout.  The prefix RE- indicates a return to the previous condition, or repetition of a previous action.  Also, we’re able to look at the famous 23rd Psalm for a similar interpretation.  It states “He leads me beside still waters, He REstores my soul”.  I’ve read that verse a thousands times since a child and still God is revealing himself through it.  It clearly states that we, as people, are unable to revive our own soul.  It also makes us aware that as chris tomlin sings “our hearts and flesh may fail”.  In fact, ill be bold enough to state that without Christ, they WILL fail.  Isn’t it great to know that the burden of restoration isn’t placed on us.  Whew!  Our restoration has nothing to do with our present or even the future.  Its rooted only in what Jesus did on the cross.  How amazing is that?  As easy as we run to our physical doctor for healing, may it be even easier to run to God, who heals both body and soul.

Also, im learning that my pursuit of righteousness is deemed void if i’m doing so in an improper manner.  Am i seeking righteousness (purity accomplished by my own works) or seeking the one who died so that i would become righteous.  Im learning that God still listens to his son. Thank you God for continuing to listen to your Son. Romans 8:34 tells us that “Christ Jesus, who died- more than that, who was raised to life- is at the right hand of God is also interceding for us.  He is the man!  He not only died for me and you, he is STILL pleading to God, despite our present shortcomings, that his Blood was enough to make us righteous.  So even though the sweetness of our days may fluctuate, hold firm in the promise that Gods love for you and me does not.

may08-january10

January 20, 2010.  I thought i would share a little bit about what God has been doing in my life as of late.

Flashback.

I began to work for Perkins Eastman in Pittsburgh (stated in prayers on paper) around June of 2008.  I became submerged in an atmosphere of design.  I was chosen to be a part of a large scale 22 story tower on the upper west side of manhattan.  To say i was in over my head, wouldn’t do the situation justice.  I spent most of my time figuring out wall sections and details pertaining to the structure and layout of the shell and core.  Sounds boring?  To me it was like being 5 years old and getting a new puzzle for christmas, i was in heaven.  Every day we would get feedback from the project managers, who were meeting with the client and consultants, which would then allow us to make adjustments to the building to move forward toward our next deadline.  For me it was exciting!  Everyday i gained new knowledge of the process one must take to successfully design and manage a piece of modern architecture.  Then the negative waves started to roll in.  No flowers on the front desk.  Only 2 flavors of coffee.  No lunches served during lunch and learns.  So we began showing up to, yes, just learns.  Then it happened.

I showed up to work around 8 a.m. to find the second floor door was locked.  Very unusual.  I unlocked the door to find the entire floor dark except for a few random desk lamps.  I proceeded to my desk assuming everyone went on the thursday morning tour of a local building that had just been completed.  I sit down, slide my chair to the end of cubicle, and went on to check my emails.  The first email i came across stated “thursday morning tour canceled”.  Nice.  What in the world is going on?  Then the news came like a freight train moving downhill.  A colleague of mine, and the only other person on the entire floor, notified me that the entire manhattan project team of 25 was laid off the previous day.  I think to myself, wow what a great day to be sick.  Also, thanks for the phone call, it was greatly appreciated.  So I threw my jacket back on, tugged at my scarf, and headed back out the doors of PE one last time.

I had a peace about losing work.  This peace came from Gods promise that he would never leave me, nor forsake me.  The week before i was laid off, 2 new friends of mine approached me at young adults.  They asked me when my lease was up at my current residence, and if id consider moving in with them.  I found this peculiar considering i had only known these guys for a few months.  I forgot about the conversation until i closed the door for the last time to my office. AHA.  It hit me.  God is so good.  Talk about perfect timing.  I shouldn’t be surprised.  Things begin to align, you will see later.

So i moved into the townhouse with 2 pastors.  One being the church planting guru of the western hemisphere, and the other the adults ministry pastor of a vibrant church in Allison Park.  As i stated before, God is good.  The transition was ever so easy and i took quick notice to the large bookshelf in the living room.  Not long before I moved in,  i became passionate about understanding my faith in Christ.  I had a desire to learn more about God, his Son, and the Holy Spirit but had no way really to attain this information.  Until Now.  Things continue to align.

Throughout all of this, even dating back to middle of 2008, Jack Thomas, a former youth pastor in New Castle, had been emailing me about planting a church in Pittsburgh.  Honestly, from the beginning, I really thought nothing of it.  But as time passed and i began to dig deeper into Gods word I realized that God really does work everything out for good.  MY passion for people grew deeper.  My faith began to increase through teaching at young adults and youth.  My free time gave me opportunities to pray, worship, and chew on the word more than ever.  Then the day came, and Jack asked me if I would be LifeStone Churches Associate Pastor.  He said he had been praying about it and felt God had laid me on his heart.  Even as a Christian, that was the last thing i wanted to hear.  I wasn’t qualified, or ready.  At that point, I wasn’t even willing.  I drove home and took out my journal and began writing my thoughts.  I begged and pleaded for confirmation.  God if you knew me, you really wouldn’t ask me to do this for you.  Im not a leader.  Im not righteous.

Weeks pass and i’m patiently waiting for confirmation.  That particular weekend andy had asked me a few questions about the sermon he was preaching and its effectiveness.  The focus was personal ministry and what we were doing in our lives that required faith.  I showed up sunday morning still burdened by my lack of a decision.  I was tired of avoiding Jack.  At the end of the service Andy threw out this statement “If you feel as if you are standing on the edge of a cliff of uncertainty, now is your time to jump”.  This was the exact quote i wrote and circled in my journal weeks prior to hearing his sermon.  Have I told you God was good?  Do you still doubt that he is alive and at work?  So i opened my journal and jotted down my new occupation, associate pastor of lifestone church.

Ill be honest.  Only God could line something like that up.  I am excited about what he going to do through us in the south side.  He has been so faithful to me throughout my years of transgressions and complacent attitude toward him.  He deserves so much more than i could ever give him.  I hope that someday (soon) my two passions (architecture and the gospel) align in a location where the people are in desperate need of both.  Its funny how in one year so much can change.  He took what couldve been a depressing moment in my life and is using it for his glory.  I love him and redeeming message for more than any building id ever design, (hoping someday i have the opportunity to claim one as my own).  I pursued architecture to have a hand in something permanent, something that would leave a legacy.  Little did i realize that true permanence is only achieved when the gospel is shared to a starving generation.

-in his image-

you choose your pain

i live with it everyday without choice

you say you love me

but only whens its convenient for you

i am just like you

yet you throw me to the side

youve never met me

yet somehow you justify my needs

you blame me for the worlds problems

but ive done nothing wrong

you avoid me in public

and talk of me in your homes

you speak of love but never show it to me

our blood is red together

but you dont treat me like im human

sadly you think youre better off than me

but my bible speaks differently

we were created equal in his image

my gram tells me i am beautiful

and so does my God

I love you despite all of this

I forgive you for your ignorance

I hunger and thirst as you do

Yours in the body, mine in spirit

i seem feeble to the eye

but i stand like a rock

my spirit soars among the heavens

yours rests motionless on the soil

such a tragedy to see

you and yours pitying me

for when this life is over

i will rest at ease in eternity

[RL] 1-15-10

-mmx-

Im claiming breakthrough in your life as you read this post.  Im claiming freedom from pornography.  Im claiming freedom from an “I don’t care” mindset.  Im claiming the same love you had for your spouse the day you were engaged.  Im claiming a desire to begin attending church as you once did.  Im claiming a desire for healthier eating habits and fitness.  Im claiming an attitude change that is inhibiting you’re spiritual growth.  Im claiming physical healing in your body.  Im claiming boldness instead of fear.  Im claiming softened hearts and family restoration.  Im praying for a heart that longs to be lead by the holy Spirit.  For far to long we have called ourselves christians and not utilized the power that resides in us.  Im praying and expecting financial favor upon you and your family.  Im praying for deep hunger pains for Gods word and his revelations.  Maybe its rest you need.  Claim Matthew 11:28.  You aren’t called to mediocrity, not at home, at work, or in your hobbies.  Im praying 2010 is your year to say no to whatever guilt you’re carrying.  Whatever mistakes, regrets, or hindrances that are keeping you from being all the God wants you to be are gone in the name of Jesus.  I pray peace into as you read further.

Whether you’re waiting for a soul mate, a building to plant a church in, a child to call your own, or God to reveal your next move in life, leave this post believing in Romans 8:28.  For far too long have we allowed the devil and his schemes to burden us with depressed thoughts, doubts, and worry about our current situation.  Allow 2010 to be your fresh start with encompassed by Philippians 4:8.  Begin to claim whatever breakthrough you are needing in Jesus name.  Speak it and expect the change you need.

Proverbs18:21 states “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”  Allow your fruit to beautifully sweet, and satisfying to the soul.  Allow your mind to understand that nothing can be added or taken away from the cross.  He paid the price so that you and i may live, and live abundantly.  Choose for yourself to make this year a year of eternal impact, a year solely devoted to Christ and his mission.  Love those who hate you, and rejoice when others succeed this year.  Worship God with your heart, your mind, and your body in 2010 and prepare to be amazed.

i seek

burdened by the spirit

my soul longs to be free

my decisions mine no longer

yours for eternity

my steps you do trace

and thoughts always grip

my gut tosses and turns

all for righteousness

greatful for these pains i am

perseverance will they show me

you’re making me yours and yours alone

seeking only to be holy

a world I taste and spew

causing illness beyond the grave

seek ye first i will

of the cross to which im slave.

[RL] 1.3.10

[christ]mas tree

It breaks ground as a sapling, patiently waiting to stand firm in the wind.  It soaks in the suns rays and adores the heavenly showers.  The rain effortlessly dances from its highest branch to its base, ultimately quenching the roots thirst.  It competes among the forest bottom to stretch high into the heavens.  It suffers and flourishes as seasons change.

Its Creator knows the precise coordinates of where its seed settles.  Its Creator knows this Tree isn’t going to be like the thousands around it.  Its Creator has given it a purpose.  He takes special care of it as it sprouts from the earth.  His hands firmly presses the soil around it.  He speaks to it.  ”Oh little one, if you only knew the plans I have for you”.  He frequents the location of the Tree to monitor its growth.  He sends summer thunderstorms to test its foundation.  When the time is right, He anxiously approaches, plucks a piece of fruit from its branch, and absorbs its nourishment.  As days turn into months, and months into years, this sapling became the delight of the forest.  Sturdy it stands between the heavens and earth.  Rooted in one and stretching high into the other.

Although glorious to see in its natural setting, its true destiny awaits.  Its Creator looks down from the heavens, whispers, and nods.  The day of harvesting arrives.  Slowly each axe begins to cut through the surface.  Deeper and deeper they slice.  The pain and agony experienced slowly comes to an end as this mighty tower plunges to the earth.  The soil that once gave it life, now merely supports it in death.

Now silence was heard all throughout the forest.  The sun now shines onto the virgin soil below.  To a passerby this Tree now became just another obstacle along their journey.  But to its Creator, the life of this Tree was just beginning.  Unlike most days, today there was a western wind causing this stock to plunder along the narrow way.  Quietly, the process of decay begins.

Only two rising suns away from its demise, the day has come.  Off in the distance a rumble is heard.  As minutes pass, the turbulence increases and now becomes recognizable.  A congregation of bodies, some shouting while others in tears, slowly approach this low lying handicap.  Then, in an instance, two worlds collide.  A delicate man soaked in red, leans over, and quietly states “I’ve been waiting for you, as you have me”.  Awkwardly lifting it and throwing it over his shoulder, the procession continues.  Now being carried by man, this Tree would soon return the favor.

With similar fates, they approach the hilltop where destiny awaits.  As minutes pass, and clouds roll in, they forcibly connect.  One already lifeless and the other slowly approaching, their purposes are fulfilled.  Both Man and Tree, heaven and earth, became one in that moment.  Though tried and tested, living through seasons of blossom and spoil, each one successfully took turns carrying the burden of their world.  Feebly born and patiently nurtured, this Man and his Tree were chosen far in advance to give themselves up unto death, only to be gloriously raised into the heavens accomplishing their purpose and  satisfying the intentions of their Creator.

you+me

Imagine this. You’re walking along the shore of your favorite beach. You feel the sand between your toes and the morning sun on your back. The sound of the waves crashing fills your ears. Your eyes gaze out into the vastness of the ocean tracing the horizon back and forth. The hard work and late nights you put in to be able to afford this beach house has now paid off. You continue down the beach and find a great place next to the bluff to take a seat. The sound of the waves become a backdrop for your thoughts. You begin to smile. Your mind tells you that all you’ve dreamt of as a child has come to fruition. The sun bounces sharply from your south facing facade. The wind gently brushes against your skin. You’ve finally made it.

Or have you? Im learning that this walk of life wasn’t meant to be done alone. No matter what stage of it you’re in, true joy always comes with great company. My entire life i’ve been called an introvert. I can honestly say this is true after reading about.com’s definition. As much as i enjoy my alone time, nothing satisfies my soul like sharing something special with someone else.  Jokes aren’t funny alone.  Road trips arent the same alone.  Church isnt church alone.  Show me a table and ill show you enough room for two.  Show me a hand and ill show you another waiting to be held.  We were created not only with a God shaped void in us, but a people shaped void as well.  So no matter how beautiful your city or fancy your apartment, real joy comes from sharing these places and experiences with others.  A dream is not a dream unless it is shared.

taboo topics

Last night Pastor Jeff Leake came into APEX (APC’s young adult group) and answered questions on the hearts of our young people.  I wish i could explain to you how effective this was for me.  I must first preface the story of this night with what happened the previous tuesday.  A few of us young adults got into an amazing conversation about christians and dating.  It was a conversation that begin with 3 or 4 and ended with the a table full of listening ears.  Everyone had their own story and opinions on dating and relationships.  There was a beauty to its depth.  I say that to inform you of the irony of the timing of Jeff coming in to answer many of these same questions the following tuesday.  Im 26 years old and many of the people in the room were around my age.  The idea behind the night was to text in anonymously a question that you would want your pastor to answer.  How many people in the world have questions about their faith and how it fits into their every day life, but never have the time to sit down with their senior pastor.  That is why i say thanks to Pastor Jeff.

I wont sugar coat the content of the questions last night.  Sin grows in the dark.  We discussed what was too far before marriage.  We discussed how to have an effective devotional life.  We discussed lust and relationships.  We discussed hypocrisy. Many questions usually ignored in between the walls of a church.  I truly believe that we as christians need to become less sensitive with taboo topics and more transparent about our sin.   Most of the questions dealt with sexuality.  A huge topic for any age, but especially if you are in your 20s looking for your soul mate.  I would post all of the questions but i realize that younger eyes may grace the pages of this post.  We as a church have gone long enough without addressing these awkward topics. We need to discuss these things from a biblical stand and show how they relate to us in our every day lives.  Many times parents have difficulty discussing topics with their children.  Parents, if you’re not telling them the truth IN LOVE, then they will begin to listen to the world around them.  I feel many parents themselves have difficulty with the topic and when it arises condescendingly approach their children with negative comments.  Lets remember that were all in this boat together.  We all have passions, feelings, thoughts, that create each and every one of us.  Jesus led with grace and we should as well.

Pastor Jeff gently answered every question head on.  He didn’t shy away from using certain words.  He didn’t ignore questions because they were awkward.  He cared about each question because his young adults cared about them.  We as christians need to recognize grace covers sin and we should be open and willing to discuss it with each other.  In fact, many times what we think is “sin” after searching through the bible isn’t sin at all.  There is freedom in knowledge.  Many people are dealing with guilt and shame that can easily be overcome with confession with a close friend.  Lets push past this awkwardness in our families and in our churches. I believe pastors all over the world need to “man up” and become relevant by speaking on taboo topics.  I found it unusually enlightening that many topics weren’t mentioned in the bible and Pastor Jeff’s answers were “I don’t know, the bible doesn’t mention it”.  Stop pretending we have all the answers and start loving people by caring about them and their real questions. Lead with grace and stay grounded in the word.  Read Romans 5:20 – Where sin abounds, grace abounds more.

[thanks]-giving

I realize i didn’t post yesterday.  I hope you can forgive me.  I didn’t forget, trust me.  I had plans with my father whom i haven’t seen in weeks, and an “official first date” with an amazing girl.  Both of which i wasn’t missing out on for a blog post.  So today ill post twice.  The first of which i felt should pertain to the season.  Thanksgiving is thursday and im reminded of all the many blessings in my life.   I have gone way too long without saying thank you to everyone in my life.  So here goes..

Mom and Dad :  Thank you for your sacrifice.  Your commitment to God inspires me.  Your work ethic, faithfulness, and ability to show up reveal to me and the world where your treasures lie.  I love you for all youve done and are still doing.  I pray blessing over both of you that your lives will continue to direct everyone to the cross.  Thanks

Ryan:  Thanks for being an amazing big brother.  I owe you thousands of dollars from my inability to bring my wallet anywhere as a child.  Your musical ability and outgoing spirit have encouraged me to become who i am today.  I know of no one who thinks more of others than you.  Youre passion for hunting and golf inspires me.  Although i can no longer beat you my best days still seem to be on the course with you and dad.  Im praying you seek God in everything you do.  Thanks.

My grandparents (and best friends):  No one in our family would be where they are today without you.  I am filled with joy when thinking of the many laughs we’ve had over the years.  Through cancer, poverty, loss of life, and diabetes, you still give glory to God.  What a foundation all 4 of you have in Christ.  Your lives reflect the many promises were given in scripture to those who live righteously.  Your commitment to God and family, through the ups and downs of life, has never wavered.  Thank you for giving me someone to look up to and laugh with throughout my 26 yrs.

Aunts, Uncles, and cousins: I don’t have time to name all of you but i thank you for keeping me in prayer.  I thank you for your uplifting spirits and commitment to God.  Oh the years of laughter we’ve had, and will continue to have.  Each one of you has been given such unique talents and skills.  Thanks for doing everything passionately.  You have taught me perseverance, given me guidance (when i didnt want to talk to my parents), freshened my spirit with your laughter, and allowed me to lean on you when i walked through my valleys.  I pray blessing over you and your families.  I love you guys.

Friends:  When i moved to Pittsburgh i never knew i would build such strong relationships @ apc.  The friendships ive made here in just over a year have had such a large effect on me and my christian walk.  Apex is filled with such passionate people who are living out Gods will.  I couldnt do it without your laughs, sarcasm, and inspiration.  I pray blessing over each of you and your families.  I pray your lives pursuing God and his purpose never ceases to be your first priority.  I pray boldness to go after whatever it is God has laid on your heart.  Thanks.

My Roommates: I remember when you both came to ask me to live with you guys.  I thought you both were weird.  I was content living alone.  God had different plans.  I thank you both for pursuing Christ so passionately that nothing seems to get in the way.  Thanks for spending hundreds on books that i wouldve never purchased, nor read.  Thanks for seeing the big picture in ministry and ignoring the issues, problems, and difficulties that it presents.  I so badly want to state something sarcastic but ill hold back… for now..

Jesus:  Thanks for washing away my sins.  Because you “took one for the team”, listened to your call, and believed in the unbelievable, my eternity can be spent joyfully praising instead of painfully gnashing.  I love telling people about you.  You brought breathe back into my lungs, and a fire back into my heart.  Thanks for being alive and living in me.  I look forward to seeing you someday face to face.

My last thanks goes out to those bold and brave enough to believe in Christ and what he did for you.  This world has been brainwashed into seeing is believing.  True joy and peace lies in the opposite.  Take time today to give thanks to everyone in your life.  Forgive those who have hurt you.  Love those you cant love.  Move on, and move up.  Happy early thanksgiving to you and yours.

[art] thats personal

As a christian there are many things that seem to become “grey area’s”  in our walks with God.  Many churches have even begun to address these issues and how they pertain to our every day life.  Drinking, smoking, types of music, and reading material are just a few of the many.  Today i want to bring to your attention one of the biggest trends across u.s. and the world as of late.  Can you guess?  If you guessed tattoos, you were right.  If you didnt, i encourage you to read on anyways.

Tattoos seem to be showing up everywhere on young adults these days.  Of course they arent anything new to us, but i would just like to share my opinion on them.  Dont be nervous, (especially if you have one) hear me out.  I grew up believing tattoos were a sin. I read Leviticus 19:28 and just assumed that anyone who marked their body was a sinner.  I now know i was very young, and extremely naive.  For the last few years ive been storing in my head all the conversations of people ive talked with who have tattoos.  I quickly saw that many of these people were extremely educated, passionate, and always creative.  I learned so much from these people.  I cant begin to even tell you how influenced and inspired ive become by many of these people.  I thank God they are in my life.

So where does my opinion begin?  It begins with recognizing why people get them in the first place. Sadly, we as christians are easy to write people off for the silliest of things. Yes, even before we get to know them.  If something bothers/intriques me i begin to ask questions.  So my journey began.  I asked everyone i knew who had one, why.  What made you get yours?  Just in that simple question, in most of the cases, the tattoo represented something special to them.  Whether it was a memory of someone whom they loved or a verse that has grounded their faith,  it was easy to see that they really enjoyed talking about it.  It became for me a great conversation starter.  I also began to see that many of the stories behind them dealt with pain or loss.  It was a reminder to them of something great in their life  that now was absent.  This tattoo was an attempt at never forgetting who or what it represented.

I believe some tattoos are beautifully unverbalized cries for love. These people are longing for something permanent in their life, even if just a real conversation.  I believe God loves them and so do i.  He loves youth that wear their hat sideways and pants around their ankles.  He loves the nerdy kids who wear high pants and big glasses.  Do you see the pattern?  He loves them, not for what they look like, but for just being them.  1 Samuel 16:7 says that “man looks on the outward appearance but God looks at the heart”.  We need to be accepting people who passionately love the unlovable.  We need to break this bubble the devil has placed around us that prevents us from loving all of Gods children.  I believe the real issue here isnt the tattoo itself, but the intention behind it.  Has someone come to you for advice on whether to get one or not?  Are you considering getting one yourself? As i would say on any great decision, take it to the Lord in prayer.

Will i ever get a tattoo?   Nope.  I believe God made me this way.

Do i condone other people getting them?  We live in a capricious society.  What is beautiful today is ugly tomorrow.  If you think it will ultimately make you happy, it wont.  I believe God should be the only permanent thing in my/your life.  Ill still love you if you do.

Never let something so small affect your love for others.